MOMMY WARS--IS THIS A FIGHT FOR WOMEN OF COLOR TOO?

[Lovebabz]

I have been reading a great deal about this so-called Mommy War--Women who stay at home versus Women who work outside the home. A couple days ago the New York Times ran an article about Elizabeth Edwards and her decision to continue campaigning with her husband John Edwards in the midst of battling cancer. A few women (white)-owned blogs have taken her to task for her decision to continue campaigning while she is fighting a terminal illness. The tone of some of the comments were so 13th century that I was really surprised. So here I am wondering if Sisters feel this same sort of duality about staying home with children or going to work? I know, our history has pretty much settled this with the era of slavery--we have always worked no matter what. But here we are a couple hundred years post reconstruction--with some measure of success and some of us on par with our white counterparts in terms of economic security and achievements. I am wondering is this our fight now too? Let me know what you think--and brothers feel free to weigh in.

[Nappykat]

Not our fight, why we want to take it there I don't know.
From my perspective, the fight between black women doesn't center around working versus stay at home moms, it a class issue between well-to-do black moms and poor black moms (or poor and well-2do black fams in geneal). If you have 2 stay-at-home moms (SAHM), and one is relatively affluent or middle class with a working husband, then that's okay. But if the other SAHM is on Section 8, recieving foodstamps and/or welfare and has a live-in boyfriend then to help her out, then that's not okay.

And working class parents who live together to raise children (married or not) who just barely make ends meet because both makes minimum wage and still meet poverty guideline is probably gonna resent a debate about stay-at-home moms versus working moms - because they both make more than both poverty-level parents put together! For the poor working class, there is no option of being a SAHM versus non-SAHM. The 'option' comes to the affluent middle class.

I been (still are) in both situations and I will not take on this fight. Leave it to the white women. I just black people would get off their moral high ground and stop being so prejudice.

[Trula]

I think if it's not our fight it should be. I've been a single mother at home with kids (but not for long, I had to work and/or go to school) and a married mother at home with kids with a working husband. Either way, people acted like being a SAHM was not for me. Black folks, I'm talking about. I don't know why 'we' tend to think it's wrong to want to be home with our children during their wee years, but whatever. Don't get me wrong, I've worked, but my job as a mom is and will remain my most important job until they are all grown. I work around their schedules as much as I can, but if push comes to shove, the job(s) get a shove because my babies come first. End of story. but that is easy to say when you have a husband who is willing to support the family, when you don't or are not married it is doubly painful to have to work when you want to be home with your kids, at least while they are babies and little toddlers.

[Chandra]

Well, here it is 2009 and I am home again. My daughter was in the hospital for 22 days and had 2 surgeries and can NOT go back to day care and requires round the clock care for the next month at least. My MIL couldn't seem to understand the severity of the situation and kept asking "Do you have enough sick days to take off work? How are you going to keep your job?" It seems to me the Mommy War is two fold: more objection within the family and bitterness from those who wish they could do it. I agree with Nappykat. There is a difference: A middle income SAHM who chooses caring for her family versus a poverty level mother who choses NOT to work and let the government and boyfriend of the month take care of her kids. I have decided, It's not my fight. Let the people who have a problem with it argue with themselves. I'm doing what's best for my family!

[Maya Evans]

I believe that our "war" more so should be on building a better sense of community amongst black people and not being so easily distracted by idle chatter that, in my opinion, is just another huge distraction that our people cannot afford to entertain at the present time.

Most of the mothers here, I assume, are probably more concerned with equipping their children with positive self-image, rich history, self-respect, etc., and in whichever way each family finds they can best provide that to their children, their efforts should be met with support and wisdom, not criticism and negativity. Providing a positive and more nurturing enviroment for our children should become more of a community effort first; we should all be concerned about what happens to each of our children as we all effect one another. It's so important that we, generationally, are progressive and one way to do so is to begin to work together. I should offer my hand in help, not wave my finger in disapproval. We can't afford to waste another minute "fighting" one another nor continue to build on the negativity perpetuated amongst black women. To me, it doesn't too much, at this point anyway, makes sense for us to bicker over such petty opinions, when our problem is obviously much more deeply-rooted than whether we moms choose to stay at home of not . Let's push the smaller things aside for now so that we can focus more so on the bigger picture and share more of our successes in life than our frustrations, so to bring about more fruitation in our communities.


~Maya~

[Ashanti Danielle Hasam]

I think this is a to each its own type if situation. I mean I have never had the luxury of being a stay at home mom. I am a single mom so work comes with the title. But if you can and have the financial and moral support then that is fine. Personally staying at home would not be my cup of tea because I have become accustomed to being the bread winner and made a balance between home,work and school that is fine for me. I don't think that women of color really have a hang up either way we have a habit of doing what is best for our situation and not really letting others determine what is right for our children.