Are You Still In the Game? Single Black Moms Are You A Liability Or Asset?

[kim]

Recently my girlfriends and I were discussing getting back into the game.What game am I talking about...the dating game. After going through a seven year relationship and three kids later, my perspective on men and myself has definitely changed in a lot of ways.

First can we talk? What in the hell is going on with these men out there. Some men seem to think that because you have kids and no man that you are an easy target for them to take advantage, just so you can have a man. Unfortunately for some women with low self-esteem that may be the case. But for me You MUST BE CRAZY.

First of all I have something that women should have and if you don't have it you better get it. It's called STANDARDS. Now to be honest after being in a marriage, or committed relationship for years with that one person, breaking up and having kids is a huge change. Now that I am a little older with children my outlook is a little different. But I am still me. I know that I am confident in myself but is there shelf space for the single mom who's real, who has experienced life and wants a quality relationship with a man who can add to her life. I have to tell you for me dating with kids can definitely be an ASSET. But can these men handle it. What do you think. Real talk...Kim

[di]

I feel you on the standards. For starters I MUST have "I want a married man" stamped on my a--. I am a 42 year old woman that has not dated in one year and three months...yes I have it down. But I am not that much in need of a man to want someone elses man. And then also I am in a small town because of the military and I honestly think that men honestly think that because I am out with my son that a "husband" is attached to that equation. And I too have a WHOLE different outlook on dating and dealing with any man because of now having my son. There are just standards you SHOULD adhere to once you have children and you are a single parent. And for me that is just not have an array of different men in mine and my son life. Because I was me before him and I will be me with him here. And men can't handle women having children, well some because I TRY not to put them all in one bunch, because some just don't want to deal with whole package. BUT my son and I are a total package. And for me it is take it or leave it. No compromise.

[Nappykat]

Real talk

I know the price of p*ssy is being driven down by crackheads and drug addicts.

man - 'How much you want for it?'

woman - '$50'

man 'What? Baby I can go down the street and get 'everything' for $5 or $10.'

woman 'shuga, that won't even buy some tampons or a cup of coffee at mickey D's'

Now what's a real woman to do.

These men need to realize you get what you pay for. Quality poontang cost money! I got standards baby!

[kim]

you are too funny! and I love it!!!!

Kim

[Myquiche]

This is too funny LOL!

[Kimberly]

I am so thankful for reading this. I am recently divorced after a 6.5 year marriage, I thought I could get right back out there and found I was not ready. I tried dating more than one man at a time, tried no strings attached sex and discovered I didn't like the emptiness that brought. I tried a relationship but found I was just not ready. I realize that i need to date myself for a while, take a walk on the lonely side and just date myself. I actually don't even know where to begin dating myself. I guess I have been searching online for some answers.

Anyway, to reply to original post, it seems all the men I meet want one thing first and that DOES NOT include talking, I am so tired of it. I am tothe point of not knowing one from the other. They all want tthe same thing to me. I would like a relationship but I am not ready to be a good mate.

~Kim (Jarena)

[kim]

Thanks for your response! and I think that all women should date themselves after coming out of these kinds of relationships. It's better than anything.

kim

[Denise]

I have been single for five years after my relationship, but I have yet to date. I don't try. I see the damage goods out there and I also have seen female friends, acquaintances, & others go through disastrous relationships-- and I don't have the time. I would love to find that special someone to connect with, but it takes too much time to filter out the idiots. So I completely devoted my time to my kiddos, and I have forgotten about the male species. I only remember that they exists when I am approached by one of their village idiots. It is just hard out here being single.

[Germanie]

I agree with all of you on this subject. I have been through it all. The lies, cheating etc......... The number one thing that I hear all the time from these men out here is your a good woman and you gonna make a man happy one day. And then when we are done with each other why a couple months later they wanna come back. I do feel that we as woman need to set standards but i swear its like i have something stamped on my forehead for me to attract the one's who have either been in relationships with women that they were married to and the woman cheated on them and they were faithful being a father to not only their kids they have together but the women's kids that she may have with other men or the ones who are just plain dogs. I had a conversation with a couple of my male friends and one said that now a days people are about being with people and more just to have options and when they are ready they pick which one they want they don't care about being in a relationship. I know that I just need to stick with setting standards. Yeah I agree too that men think you are desperate and need a man. With my situation I am a single mom not by choice but because her father passed when she was 8. And when men find that out they are all like well you need a good man in your life and father figure for her. This happens all the time. Yes I want a good man and yes a good role model for her but I don't have to settle for bulls***. And then you know I hear you are stuck up. And i answer no I just know what I want.

[LindsMom]

Bottom line, with the narrow images of single black women with children, it's going to be difficult to find a man without preconcieved notions about you. For me, I don't want to deal with men who think I want a father for my daughter, so I've avoided the whole dating scene. Companionship and a complete family would be nice, but I'm not willing to lower my standards, appear desperate or have a bad influence around my child. I'm not as happy as I would like, but I don't want to have to explain myself either.My daughter fulfills me and she's most important so if he can't deal with it, that's his problem not mine. I would say, its probably better to date men that have already been married or have children of their own so they at least know how to relate to you.

[Myquiche]

I understand you because God gave me children that complete me. They love me regardless and when I look ugly and sick, they will still kiss me. When I am crying, my daughter rubs my back and says it will be ok.

[Zara M.]

I'm an Asset, for sure! I think men have a hard time accepting a strong, independent black woman. I have not met one that can handle me. I think the majority of men are liars, slow or both. Somewhere in the minority is my husband that God has for me. So I'm just patiently waiting...in HIS time, not mine.

[Myquiche]

Zara,

I hear you because they get intimated when you have your own. Instead of embracing our strong independence that run from it because they can't handle it.