The Girlfriend Code. Is It Ever Okay To Date Your Friends Ex????

[kim]

I was watching the morning news today and they had Marilu Henner from the Celebrity Apprentice reality show and were discussing how she met her current husband. An interestingly enough he was her BF boyfriend in college and the one she took her friend to get the birth control pills for!

Anyway, Years had past by and she ran into him. She had gotten married and he was on his first divorce ( by the way not by her friend ). Some years had past by and she ran into him once again. This time she was divorced and had kids. They started talking and a year later are happily married.

Now the question is was she wrong to date and marry her friends' ex.

Now we all know that within the girlfriend circle there are many things that are shared ( I said many not all ) between girls, and NO I don't need to go there, 'cause you already know!

But my cousin and I had some different opinons on it and this particular situation. My opinion is who cares! It is 23 yrs later! But I Thought....Hmmm??/
Would it be uncomfortable when there are get togethers?
Would I be thinking she was trying to get at my man all that time? I don't know.

It can get complicated. But I really think first don't ever date your friends ex anything, If you are really friends.

Or why not talk about it with your friend and find out how she feels about it and why/why not. Other point and is he worth possibly losing a friendship over?
Lots of details.

What do you think??

By the way my cousin strongly favors HELL NO! and when she said Hmmm what about my mr. crews Then I said sorry but I'll have to cut ya! LOL So I guess that is a Hell NO too!

[Felicia]

After 23 years, I would hope all parties have moved on. I think after this length of time, it might be ok.

[tammy]

It is an unwritten code that true friends dont and wont do that...it would make you question your entire friendship with that person and your ex as well...

[Achieng]

...Hello everyone, Kim I have to say this is a very interesting topic. It seems as if the two main factors deal with 1)homegirl vs associate 2)length of time. Personally, it seems as if all my homegirls have very different preferences in men although some of these men are attractive..I have no personal intrest in them and they become like "a brother-type" Even if they were "my type" to step over that line, I think I would be a bit uncomfortable. I guess thats what keeps our friendships so interesting.

[Linda]

I used to say NO WAY would I EVER date an ex of my friend or relative. But since I kinda "slid" into that situation recently, I'm inclined to lean more towards, NO, I won't ever date my relative's ex (that's just too close for comfort), but I would be willing to date my friends ex if the situation is right. I think there's a fine line somewhere in there. Friendship is definitely more important to me than perhaps a relationship that may or may not last, however, in matters of the heart, the line grows a little fuzzy. In my situation, we just have alot of the same interests whereas in their relationship, they were quite the opposite and both were unhappy with each other. Sometimes, what couldn't or wouldn't work with one, will work with another. Communication is key...it's not ok to not let her know what's going on, but I think it's ok to pursue something that may, in the long run, be good for you AND him. But that's just me.

[Lolita]

Well it has always been a cliche way before we were born that biological sisters, half sisters, step sisters do not date or marry each others ex. I believe that goes back to the very impossible thinking of 'incest'. i believe later generations the girlfriend thing came along because of babies out of wedlock, vanerial diseases, and the 'if you sleep with him then you sleep with everbody he has slept with in past'. So..... after saying all of that i believe we make some of our own rules to make us feel better about ourselves. Technically, it shouldn't matter that she dated and married her friend's ex. Morally maybe something else. but.... the real question is: 'What would Jesus do ?"

[Nappykat]

Geez Louise, what the hell are you holding onto?

If you are finished with that person and a relationship can not be established again between the two of you, why deny him or her the opportunity to be someone else - anyone else? (I may make exceptions to an X getting with one of your sons/daughters, or close relatives, but FRIENDS are pretty much open territory).

To me that says 'insecurity' and 'jealousy.' You're saying that 'hey, I use to love you and I can't stand the thought that our relationship didn't work out and now your relationship might work out with someone else that I know, my friend. I can't handle that.'

So, GROW UP. Get your 'ish together. Don't try to deny someone else access to a love between your friend and your X just because you couldn't hit it off. A REAL friend would know that and understand. What many of you probably need is closure. Some relationships just break off there hasn't been a non-verbal or unwritten mutual agreement where somebody said 'This is over, I don't want you no more and we need to go our seperate ways.'
So get it, get over it, and have it said by default. Say it to yourself and let it go. And both you're free and he's free and she's free and everyone can have one big merry gay (meaning happy) orgy - not literally but I mean everyone is free to date whomever without the hurt and pain of the past.

Now I think maybe there's some things to watch out for that doesn't have anything to do with a real love between your X and your friend and is just some bull'ish that you shouldn't be bothered with from either the friend or the X-

- a friend that has tried or did get with you X while you still with him.
- a friend that always saying negatives things about your X (or then-current) instead of trying to be neutral or supportive of you
- a X (or then-current) that has tried to make you jealous or insecure by trying to get with your friend or always bringing up your friend
- an X that always has negatives things to say about your friend instead of trying to be neutral or supportive of you.
- if you caught both your friend and/or X in a lie about each other
(he says she called the house when you weren't there and said her car broke down and she needed a ride to church on Sunday. He obliged and told you later and you were okay with that. Yall go to the same church and you find out she never went to church that day. Hmmmmm......)
- if you honestly feel that something isn't right between your X (then-current) and friend.

MAYBE YOU NEED TO DROP 'EM BOTH.

AND CHECK YOUR INSECURITY AT THE DOOR.

[Tavia Mouzon]

I say that he is off limits. In my eyes a FRIEND is a FRIEND. Regardless if you all speak daily, monthly or yearly. I just recently had a so called friend of mine sleep w/ my ex, whom was still trying to get back with me. A friend should no better, where men on the other hand are weak for the flesh. I could never to it. As well, I would prefer not to have one of my friends left overs.

[Divamom1]

A good friend of mine ended up marrying a guy I used to date...and I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. It was VERY uncomfortable. He and I had broken up about 5 years before they started dating. I don't spend a lot of time with her now because of the awkwardness. I think it all depends on the type of relationship that you and the ex had. Technically, I think if you are truly no longer together people are free to date whomever they want. But, it will probably feel strange.

[kim]

I think everyone has great insight!!!!!

Please continue to discuss with me more hot topics!!!

smile/hugs~)
Kim

[tosha]

for me it is not okay on either side of the coin and that is based solely on my level of comfortability..but that is what works for me for someone else it may be very different and the people involved could all get passed whatever and i definitely think that time frames would play a factor here. by the way, have you guys checked out the website: www.eclecticebonies.com???