Raising a Young Black Woman Amidst Misogyny

[lynvalerie]

I just found out this week that I am expecting a little girl, due Sept. 1, and, after my TV mysteriously landed on BET, I cringed at the thought of raising my little one in such a misogynistic society. While its true that my only escape would be an overseas mission trip to a deserted island, I wondered how other moms managed to raise proud black women amidst the madness that is America- can you ladies share some insight?

[THEBLACKPOPE]

hi kenya mymane is the black pope- i am here to help you in your question.- man has lied to you about who you are and your full potential- as they seek to knock your back out and give rise to a man child . it was you who will a duplication of your self- and it is you who will continue to seek knowing about what is right and exact for you again- for we do not die , we mulitiply and start all over again-------------- you are the womb- and you duplicate your self a woman--when youhave a boy called man , he is a servant to you-------------- it is hard to believe but in time you will learn------------------ man is a broken trait - his mamary glands do not work -he can not produce- he is your protector and the seed carrier--------- you are the duplication of your mother - m. other = my other

[lynvalerie]

First, I'm Lyn, not Kenya, and second- huh? Are you nuwaubian? Ty for the...advice either way.

-Lyn

[THEBLACKPOPE]

no i aint no dam nuwabian lyn- i give you what you need i do not take from you- like it or not it is real-

[lynvalerie]

lmao mmk, just asking, calm down. Thanks for...giving me what I need. Duly noted.

[Chandra]

Lyn, as a mom to two young black princesses myself, first let me tell you that you are the controlling and deciding factor in what your daughters see, hear, and are a part of! My daughters are 2 and 3 and have no idea what the Disney Channel is! Sure they will be able to voice what they want to watch and wear as they get older (the 3 y.o. is already at it) but I don't allow them to watch things that are targeted for other age groups. While I control the environments they are exposed to, they are allowed to interact with everyone in limited increments so that they don't have a stand-offish attitude are think that they are better than others. I just want them to know that are different sides to everything and expose them to the positive and educational and educated side of things! Congratulations on the upcoming arrival of your daughter. Get ready for the drama. You'll be surprised. You know what you don't want her to see, hear, and know, so go with that. Trust your instincts, mom! God Bless.

[lynvalerie]

Thanks so much, Chandra- your wisdom is really helpful, and I greatly appreciate it! Way to go on keeping the Disney Channel away- I think its gone to the toilet nowadays, and is teen focused.

[Mz. Tiff]

I am a mother of an 8 year old...I am challenged with this societl mess the media is feeding our girls...What I have done is, made a stand and let her know what is and isn't acceptable, what is inappropriate and who we are as girls, young ladies and women...we are more than the size of our bottoms and how much cleavage when can show on an evening out. I let her know everyone has choices about how they live and represent themselves and we will choose to be ladies at all times. I monitor what she listens to around me and have explained quite a few inappropriate songs to her in detail so she will have the understanding of what she is singing and what others think of her when they hear her sing it....I am confident that if I instill positive values and morals in her, she, too, will become a virtuous woman....we have to trust that we can raise future women of substance....Be blessed, hopeful and prayerful....

[lynvalerie]

Thanks Mz Tiff- I agree, everyone has a choice about how the'll live their lives, and despite the images they see in the media, its up to the individual to make responsible decisions. I appreciate your advice, and will monitor my daughter's consumption of TV/print media when she's old enough.

God Bless,
Lyn

[RarestBlackPearl]

You are right on point Queen! Let me ask you this (not to put you on the spot) do you also talk to your daughter's little girlfriends? I ask this simply because we all know that when our children are not around us they dont act the same.

For instance, when my daughter, Eboni, has her monthly sleepovers...I take the time to talk to the young girls. Of course I have to be careful how I word things (i cant speak to them all how i would speak with her) but I make sure I talk to them and ask questions.

What do you think makes you beautiful, Kim?
What do you want to be when you grow up Jazmine, and why?

We have to talk to our girls and their friends. (not saying you dont)

All my daughter's frinds know when they see Ms. Rhonda, they better be right. Don't let me see you doing wrong...i will call you out. lol

When I meet my kids friends parents..i talk to them and let them know what type of parent I am and if their morals dont line up with mine ...then I hesitate to allow my daughter to play with them.

Anyway, I said all that to say this: You are doing a great job Queen and your daughter will be a Virtuous lady!

God Bless and Be Peace

[RarestBlackPearl]

Blessings!

I have a 9 year old daughter and I speak with her daily about understanding who she is in Christ. The society has done a good job of teaching our young AA girls how to self-hate, The media teaches them that they must be a size 6 to be beautiful, that they must show off their bodies to be noticed, that their black skin is ugly and unacceptable. I speak to my daughter everyday and tell her the things about her that are beautiful...and I always start with how smart she is and her dark skin color. I think along the way WE (the AA communities) have forgot that self-love starts from within. It starts within the family, within the homes, within the churches, within the communities. If we teach self-love to ALL our children (our young boys are lost as well) then they will grow up with it being within them. And when I say ALL OUR CHILDREN, im not talking about just the ones that carry our blood in their bodies. Im talking about the young girl we see on the street corner prostituting herself, the young girl we see at the school house surrounded by boys all the time, the young girl we see at the park swinging alone because she is afraid to make friends, the young boys we see daily with their pants hanging below their behinds. Raising AA children in America is hard, but if WE came together and gave out a helping hand....especially to that single mom or single dad.....we could get our babies back! We could heal our people!!!

God Bless & Be Peace

[lynvalerie]

Thanks, Rarest! I firmly believe in the village principle, and will attempt to spread influence in my daily life to those who may be lost. TYVM for your comment.

[Cee Cee]

First of all, you need to get a new TV - how scary that it landed on BET!! (smile)

I don't believe that we live in a misogynistic society. Certainly, television might want us to think that, but I truly believe that women are better off in America than in any other country in the world. There are so many opportunities here!

As for raising a girl -- as many others have said, build the self esteem. We need to encourage our girls that they are intelligent and much more than is portrayed on the "boob tube" or "idiot box". In fact, I do not let them watch anything but PBS shows that are age appropriate.

Keep them away from the advertisements, encourage healthy eating and exercise (stay away from diets and body image issues) and keep and eye on her and her friends. (as much as you can, lol)

You're taking a big step by even thinking about it at this stage - many people are just flying by the seat of their pants when it comes to child rearing!