Raising a Young Black Woman Amidst Misogyny

[lynvalerie]

I just found out this week that I am expecting a little girl, due Sept. 1, and, after my TV mysteriously landed on BET, I cringed at the thought of raising my little one in such a misogynistic society. While its true that my only escape would be an overseas mission trip to a deserted island, I wondered how other moms managed to raise proud black women amidst the madness that is America- can you ladies share some insight?

[Gisele Jones]

Hey Lyn:-)

You create the atmosphere for your princess. You're right about our society, but we as the nurturers are the only ones to provide the truth about what they see and the "set-up" associated with that lifestyle. I've created a mentoring program for girls/boys ages 6-18. My daughter, age 5 is a participant. I talk to all of them about the music, the videos, the fashion trends, etc. We must create/maintain an open dialogue in which our children feel safe/comfortable telling us all their fears, hopes, and misconceptions. Yes, some things will make your heart drop... but like her... it's better to be informed! Start this dialogue when you begin to notice her ability to comprehend. They are taught at age two the video dances and can execute them better than most women... that is when you educate her about her body and how precious it is and to hold it with great regard/value!!!

[sabrina]

I myself understand how you feel, I find myself going to my family. Teach your child from early on that she is special and that there is no one else like her in the world. Get her on the fast track to learning from day one. Tell her that she can be anything in the world she wants to be. Emphasize that education is important.

[lynvalerie]

Thanks ladies- I really appreciate all your kind words and advice!

[missscorpio1029]

Show her all of who you are. Teach her your values. I really see that the fruit doesnt fall to far behind the tree. My daughters all three are being raised here in brooklyn, ny. My oldest daughter is 21,next is 18, and my baby is 7. I have five sons in the middle of it all. but with my girls when I saw behavior that I didnt like, I would simply express my feelings about it. I was who I was around all of my children and now they are bits and pieces of me. Things that impact me I expose to them, poems I love to read, I read to them and I believe that it's my job to expose them to it all because I know and it's wrong for me to know and for them not to know. Every possilbe thing you can give her that you want for yourself and more you give her, knowing that god has us placed here in perfect protection, dispite what the world has us to believe. No weapons formed against us shall prosper and because you live it, she will live it too. Blessings to u.

[lynvalerie]

Thanks Gisele for your insight- kids are able to pick up things so quickly nowadays, and although I plan to keep Aiyana away from tv for as long as possible, I know that eventually she will be exposed to negativity, and its my job to be open and listen.

I love that you read poems and such to your kids, missscorpio- I'm def stealing that...starting really early on perhaps I'll read and write my princess something to encourage and inspire her. I feel from your message that your kids appreciate the fullness of who you are, and will internalize your advice in hopes of being all that I am for myself and my daughter.

Thanks again for all the comments- I've pulled a bit of wisdom from each of you, and will take a nugget from each of you to post in a blog, of which I encourage all the moms of daughters to share.

Peace and blessings to you all,
Lyn

[Chandra]

Lyn, there has been one constant theme repeated throughout these replies: be an example to your daughter. Regardless of what goes on in the world, our children imitate what they see in the home. Children naturally have the belief that our mothers/parents would never teach us wrong. With that said, remember you are the first teacher. Her morals, values, and even lifestyle will shadow yours. You know for a fact as you grew older and became an adult, you remember your own mother's teachings even though you don't march to her drum and live exactly how she did/does or told you. C'mon now, you know some of the things they said you didn't like. Relax, you're going to be a great mom. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. None of us have the "Perfect Mommy Handbook"! We just have each other.

[Felicia]

First of all, congrats to you! You are about to embark on an incredible journey!! Raising daughters is a blessing!!

As a mother who has raised 2 grounded and well rounded women, I offer you this advice. Always remember that they are learning to become woman via your example. That being said, always be careful how you walk before her.

Also, instill in her a strong sense of self, a love and respect for a higher power, give her a well rounded education, and most importantly be consistent with her. Let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no!