Do mothers have the right to disrespect you?

[Derrical Ogletree]

Me and my mother are always going at each other. She thinks it is okay to talk about me and any thing negative that happens to me. She talks to family members, strangers, neighbors, anybody! I ask her why she does it, she states that I am her child and she can do whatever she wants to do and that people always come to her about me (which I don't belive). People have told me that she starts conversations about me and they have enough private information about to start a juciy gossip session. I fell out with so many people over this; relatives, boyfriends, pretty much everybody. So now relative and people think me and her are full mess, and pretty much don't deal with either one of us. I get very offended and yell and sometimes curse her out, and even stop speaking to her for some months. Are my days are going to be shorten because of this, or am I right for defending myself? I would love all kinds of feedback. Thanks alot!

[mrsdana757]

Girl,No your mother doesn't have to right to disrespect you.Didn't your mama grew up knowing you don't tell everybody whats going on in the house?Maybe you do need a break from her.It seems she resent you in some sort of strange way,or she just don't want people to have a relationship with you.Maybe she should see a therapist?I know(blackpeople say,we don't do therapist,thats what the white folks do).Now days, everyone needs guidance if you can't talk to your pastor,not having him spreading your business in the pulpit.You can just pray directly to Jesus for guidance and deliverance for you situation.May god bless and keep you always.

[Trisha Martin]

No one, regardless of who they are, has the RIGHT to disrepect you. I know what the Bible says about honoring our fathers and mothers, but if they are acting like enemies, what's a person to do besides pray for them? They are to take up for themselves and set that person straight. It sounds like your mother has issues with you and I know how that goes, my mother is sort of like that with me. But she knows that if she says something out of line in front of other people and I hear it, it's on and popping and I'm not saying that I act a fool with her, but I choose my words carefully and stick to the facts and tell it like it is.

[Jaki]

Peace, I understand the issue of disrespect and mothers. My mother is a very negative person. She has been that way ever since I could remember. I have never gotten out on her. My way of dealing with her is to limit my contact and my childrens contact with her. In the past I have dealt with more than my share of bad vibes and a beat down self image from her negitivity. It has taken alot to build myself up and to understand that she is what she is and just because she is my mother....means nothing. I am not here to take her mess and I don't have to live with it. Distancing yourself from her is a peaceful way of starting to heal yourself.

[Tabitha Preston]

Hello Jaki,

My name is Tabitha. I am just the opposite of your situation. My Mother was always the loving and respectful Mother anyone would want, and still is. Althought as years progressed and I grew up, she couldn't be that same person to me because of my actions. I got mad at her for not letting me have my way and did and said a lot of ugly things to her. This really affected the relationship between my Mother and I. After all the fighting, yelling and calling names, I decided that maybe if I leave my Mother's home our relationship would get better. I left, got married and had two more kids. Today my Mother and I are like two peas in a pod. You can't get me to call my Mother out of her name. I am a strong believer that if we disrespect our parents, our days will be cut short. From the day we were born our lives were already planned. No one knows exactly what our plan was, but it is up to us to go down the right path or the wrong path. I know sometimes your Mother may do things that she thinks is right, but us as parents do the same thing. Your business although is not for her to spread out the way she does, and yes she is wrong. But keep in mind that your Mother is your Mother. God won't put her at fault of how she disrespects you because you are her Daughter. He will although hold us at fault because we are the children. It took me a long time to realize that "The Ten Commandments" are real. The only Commandment with a promise was the 5th. Honor Thy Mother and Thy Father that Thy days will be long upon on the earth. So when you think about it, Maybe getting away from your Mom sometimes might just help. Then on the other hand, if you can't trust your Mom, Turn to God!

Signed
A Friend

[Tabitha Preston]

My previous comment was addressed to Derrical, not Jaki. Sorry for the mistake!

[Olympia Scott]

Hi Derrical, I hope you have already started to move in the right direction, as I am writing this, because I understand how powerful a mother's love or influence can be in our lives. No one has the right to disrespect you, not even your mother. Now what? Maybe she isn't as sensitive about family business as you are. Maybe its more than that...who knows, we can't diagnose her. The point however, just like any other relationship that doesn't suit you, or worse, harms you, move on. Now when I say move on, obviously, your mother isn't an old boyfriend, but the problem is one that you are fueling with your involvement. If you distance yourself, and keep your business to yourself, you may be able to limit or stop the problem dead in its tracks. The other piece of advice that I could give is as simple as one word...acceptance. You must accept that this may just be your mother's character, therefore, the action to be taken is your own. You must act mentally, spiritually, and emotionally with acceptance, because no matter what, she's still your mother. You must also act physically, as I said earlier, by distancing yourself instead of spending energy defending yourself. I hope that helps :)

[kim]

I can relate to some of what you are going through. I first believe that most mothers especially women of color are going to either try or dictate to you how to raise your family among other things.

That is just how they are..However...that being said that absolutely does not give your mom the right to disrespect you at all. When my mother crosses that line I respectfully but very firmly check her right away. Usually if she really gets on my nerves then we take a little time out from each other and we're over it.

[Dawn]

I agree with the others. If the relationship is toxic it would probably be best to put some distance between the two of you. If I understood your post correctly, this wont totally solve the problem because she will still probably talk mess about you when you are "gone". I wish you the best.