Let Daddy Take the Kids, and you Pay CS

[Nappykat]

I was just wondering, why doesn't more women let the father of the kids take care the children, and you pay him child support?

That's exactly what I want to do, because I get tired of being the 'daily' parent - the daily cooking, cleaning, chores, and all the daily stuff that goes with raising kids. Men know is hard, that why they leave the women to do it.

But I know you can't have it both ways. If you don't want to be the daily parent, then you should pay CS to the parent who has actual physical custody of the kids.

And no, this does not exonerate you from being a parent at all (at least not me). I would still do my kids hair, talk to them, and be an involved parent (you know what I mean - so you have involved fathers but you are the one who actually has the kids).

I know some of the first comments I get with that is 'why would a mother abandon her child?'

Bullshit. Men can be nurturing. Women are not abandoning. It's a new way of thinking and a new way of doing. Why always be traditional? if it can work, use it.

[nokneed]

GO FOR IT!! My friend, a student going to Law School, is currently in that situation, and I say GO FOR IT!! You're beautiful, its okay, your kids will be fine, and you need a break. Visit often, and don't listen to the women that shoulder it themselves, that's there decision to be supermom. You just be mom, and just be happy, and be a GREAT parent who lives in another house.

[Spirit Filled]

You do what you feel is right. I am in a bit of a crazy situation. My daughter was physically attacked, and due to this I moved her back with her father in OH (I live in TN). but honey let me tell you, a man is NOTHING like a woman. I talk to her on a minimum of 7 times a day. Don't let her be sick, need tampons, have cramps, need a bra, need panities, need hair oil, honey he is just not there!!!! She calls me and I have to call him. He is a wonderful dad, but he lacks the nurturing thing mothers do. But I am blessed because from a distance, I am able to still give her a hug, via phone, email, text. On the other hand, I recently remarried. One week before the wedding, his ex-wife informs him that she no longer wants custody of there 4 children. And the funny thing is, I was not mad at her. It is very stressful being a single parent. And he is a wonderful father, he cooks (only healthy meals), he makes sure homework, is done, he makes sure they are involved in activities. There are times I get a little upset because he does what I should be doing. But it's all good. Again, do what you feel is right in your heart. As long as your motive is right, the transition will be. You can still love and provide for your children. I am not saying either way is right or wrong, but you do what you feel.

~Spirit

[Maria Stuart]

I think this is a viable option. I told my husband should we ever decide to split, he can be the full custody parent. For me, this is based on that he would most likely return to his home country in the Caribbean and be surrounded by family who is able to assist him. I personally do not have a family network like him. My husband and I are equal parents. He is just as loving and as good as a disciplinarian. He has my son's best interests at heart. I think many women try to use children as leverage in divorce and thus seek to keep sole custody. I know my mother did. If she couldn't get what she wanted from my father, then she'd say he couldn't see us. He tried several times to get (I can't think of the term) dual? custody but eventaully gave up because he just kept losing more money in lawyers.

In undergrad, many guys I knew who had kids loved their children and wanted maximum time with them, but because the mom's would play games, using the kids as rewards, some of them got fed up and chose to be monetary providers only rather than put up with a silly woman. I think as long as a woman who has decided to do so continues to have an active role in their child's life, there is no problem.

[California Leo]

Girl, you are singing my song! I've often wondered the same thing!!! Men can cook, change diapers, shop, help with homework, do hair, run kids around to lessons and parties, and miss work for school events or illness JUST LIKE WOMEN CAN. And I would sure let him do it too.

Parenting is exhausting. Women are breaking down emotionally, psychologically and physically trying to fill both roles for their children, as well as work, keep up the house, and be a good daughter to their parents. It's too much work. Fathers can raise children just as well (and since they usually have more money, sometimes BETTER) than a single mother can.

I think as soon as a man opens his mouth to complain about how a woman isn't doing anything right with the children, doesn't show up to pick them up on his weekend cause he is too busy having fun, or complains about paying child support, it is time to visit your lawyer and start the transfer of custody paperwork. Even if he only keeps them for a year or two, its a great experience and would let more fathers see first hand just how much work it is day to day to maintain a household and raise children.

While he has custody you can date, party, travel, sleep whenever you want, eat a bowl of cereal for dinner if it suits you, and look forward to having your children visit every other weekend. Sounds great to me!


Deborrah Cooper
Author, Sucka Free Love! How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful,
The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional or The Deranged!
www.suckafreelove.com