Lost my son's father over the summer

[YummyMommi]

I lost my son's father to gun violence over the summer and now I am left to raise him by myself. He is now only 9 months old. Will never get the chance to know his father. The person who did this is still not caught yet. Wondering if there is other member on the board who is in the same situation as I am.

[Germanie]

Hello my name is Germanie and yes I know how you feel to well. My daughter is 10 years old and lost her father to gun violence on her 8th birthday. The person who did this was his room mate a suppose to be friend. My daughter knows him well but now is afraid of him. Its hard dealing with something like this especially when every year she remembers this and on her special day. I still have a hard time my self with it. But if you need to talk to vent or ask questions just ask I am here.

[YummyMommi]

Thanks Germaine for sharing your story :-) I appreciate that. I am happy that they caught the person who took away your daughter's father. It will never bring him back, but at least there is justice for him. I hope the bastard rots in jail. I can only imagine how your daughter feels. My son is very young, so he will not know about it until I feel he's ready to know. I remember when I had to break the news to my first 2 kids when their Grandmother died and that alone was hell. The worst thing I ever had to do. I have a question...were you there for the trial? Or was it something you couldn't bare to go through? Thank you for the invitation to vent and ask any questions. I will be taking you up on that offer for sure, lol.

[Germanie]

Actually I was suppose to go but I had moved to another city 2 hours away from my hometown and the day of his sentencing my daughter was starting her new school. So I kept up with it through his cousin who had found him that morning. I wanted to go because I wanted him to see my face because this was the same person who had came to my house, helped us move out of my apartment into the condo we had shared. Yeah I had to wait until my daughter came back home from Jamaica to tell her and we had already buried him when she came back. She has a brother too who was 7 at the time and his mother says he's still upset also. Well they only gave him 12 years because they said he confessed to it. Plus the guy's girlfriend was there but she did not get anything. I say to myself about her Karma comes back big time. Everytime I look at her it hurts because she looks just like him his twin everything from her face to the way she does things and its even worst for me when I have both of them

[YummyMommi]

12 years??!! That's it Germaine......your kidding!!!!!! I can't believe it. And the bastard can get less for good behavior. It doesn't make any sense. I thought the U.S. Justice System was tougher than that.

[Germanie]

That is the same thing we all said. Because drug dealers get ten years off top for selling drugs. I was mad as hell because basically he got away with it with the time they gave him but everyone was saying its just another drug dealer killing another so it did not matter to them. I know what he was doing wasn't right and he did too that is why he was trying to change his life around for himself and his kids. He got saved a week before this happened.

[YummyMommi]

Drug dealers get 10 years off??!! He'll be out in no time :-( At least he got saved before his death. God is a forgiving God. Do you go to church Germaine? I was also wondering if you believe in ghosts? After his death, anything weird happen? Any strange feelings that you may have felt.....like his spirit was around?

[Germanie]

No what I meant was that drug dealers get 10 years automatically in jail for what they do.Oh yeah I do believe in spirits because it took about a good month before I can actually fall asleep in my bed because we used to live together before he moved with him. I know he is around because sometimes I would get instantly cold. And I was crying one day about the situation and that night when I fell asleep I felt a light brush against my arm. I saw shadows sometimes in my old house that I shared with him. My daughter also experienced things and she would say that is daddy or hi daddy and it would stop.Plus he use to joke around alot and watch me sleep sometimes. I would be in bed just about to go to sleep (this is after he died) and I felt someone twist my ear and I knew it was him. My daughter would tell me that her TV channel would change to baseball after she was watching cartoons. Its was weird at first but I got use to it. His family told me about things too. Have you experienced anything like being cold all of sudden or have you had a dream and he was there and you were talking to him? His cousin the one who found him that morning said he had dreams and conversations with him in his dreams.Just remember he is always there with you and your son. and What I was told was that he can hear you. My daughter's grandmother told me that. She is into church. I am still looking for a church where I am at.

[YummyMommi]

Only 10 years? Even for murder?? That is just crazy-ness!!!
Wow, glad I am not alone Germaine. A couple days after his death I was sitting on the couch (after giving my son a bottle)....he was sitting in his chair watching TV drinking. I felt a cold breeze (like when someone sits beside you). I looked over at the empty space and convinced myself it was him. A few minutes later I heard a light tapping sound coming from the kitchen (he use to cook all the time). I was about to get up and investigate the sound, but it stopped before I got up. I heard that same sound a few more times on different days, but I no longer hear it. I swear sometimes I feel he's in my room. One night I felt like he was in my bed beside me. I even find myself saying, "I know your here". I've heard so many stories from people about spirits. Endless. I even heard people say that the spirit roams for the first 3 days after their death to different places. I've even heard people as far as to say that I should wear a red under garment to bed b/c he will try to sleep with me, lol. Didn't wear the red undies (b/c I felt that was just CRAZY) and I swear one morning I felt like ....well, you know, LOL.
As soon as I feel settled in my mind, I really want to attend a good church myself.

[Germanie]

Yeah I never heard anything like that about the red underwear. But yeah I had instances where i felt someone beside me also. I remember one night about the second day after his death I was sleeping over my girl's house because that whole week I would not sleep at home. And I felt someone get in the bed with me the bed moved and everything. And she was in her room. Plus he has a son with someone else and I talked to her and she told me she felt someone push her. They did not get along at all. LOL

[Sanpri]

I am so sorry for your lost. Unfortunately, this seems to happen a lot, we just don't hear about every case. I have not been in this situation, but I had a very well loved cousin who was murdered on early Christmas Day. He was home from the military, and got into an altercation with some guy he knew at the club, and then as he was standing outside the club, the guy ran him over. I believe he was 23 at the time. He had just had a baby boy that October. Fortunately, they did catch the guy. But, the saddest part of it all is that 5 years later, his little boy was riding with his mother and he got out of his car seat, as she was trying to get him back in, she hit something and he was ejected from the car and died instantly. It was just such a blow to our family, because we lost his wonderful dad a few years back, and now his precious little boy is gone. It was sort of like God said these lives were too good to live on this terrible Earth so I am going to take them back so they can be angels for me. You should just take comfort in knowing that you do have a piece of your son's father with you all the time, which I know sometimes can make it harder when you look at his little face, but even in death, there is life and there are blessings to be fulfilled by that life. My prayers are with you.

[YummyMommi]

What a sad story Sanpri. I appreciate that you shared it with me :-) Sometimes when you think you are facing something alone, your not. I still have my days when I am in complete denial. I can't believe it happened. Thanks for your prayers.....I need all that I can get :-)