Are you Lonely in your Marriage or Male / Female Relationship in 2009!

[Brother Marcus!]

Even if a husband / wife are there physically can a spouse still feel alone? Is a chair really still a chair even if no one is sitting there? How much does loneliness contribute to marital infidelity? Does loneliness go away once you get married or become involved in some other kind of 'committed relationship'? What do we really mean when we say we are lonely? Have most of us spent the greater part of our lives alone? Do you have intimacy issues? Do you allow anyone to get close to you? What breeds loneliness? How does a stagnant and remote relationship with God contribute to loneliness? Are you expecting your spouse or your relationship partner to do to much for you or to be a person they can never be to you? What can you do to counter feelings of being lonely? Please post your opinion below!

If you are interested, we are going to discuss these issues, this weekend on my National Internet Radio Talk Show this Sunday on March 8, 2009 @ 8:00 p.m. E.S.T. Our National call in number for the show this Sunday will be [phone]. You don’t have to speak on this call if you don’t want to. In fact, you can call in to just listen into the conversation. Please go to: www.blogtalkradio.com/brothermarcusshowto log into our chat room during the live show. Email Brother Marcus your questions, your comments and anything you believe we should add to this discussion. The conversation we are going to have might help save your marriage…

Now what was your comment?

[Nappykat]

Even if a husband / wife are there physically can a spouse still feel alone?
Very much so. I have.

Is a chair really still a chair even if no one is sitting there?
Ask Luther Vandross. I not really interested in this question.

How much does loneliness contribute to marital infidelity?
I'd say it contributes a lot to marital infidelity, especially for women. But I have met men who say they don't feel like they can talk or communicate with their spouses.

Does loneliness go away once you get married or become involved in some other kind of 'committed relationship'? You would think so. That's what many people expect. But a lotta times it doesn't.

What do we really mean when we say we are lonely?
For me it meant having someone of the opposite sex who's emotionally stimulating and available, intellectually stimulating, one who acts like they care, one who is articulate and verbally and/or written expressive. One who says what they mean and mean what they say, one who understands and knows when and how to show compassion. One who is affectionate but knows when to give space and knows why space is necessary and important. One who actually speaks and tries to analyze a situation instead of blaming and being defensive. Anything opposite of any of that is just a physical presence taking up space and nothing more.

Have most of us spent the greater part of our lives alone?
Loneliness and being alone are two different things. I have never really been alone but whenever I am alone I try to savor it and enjoy it. It is not often that I get to enjoy having time to myself and by myself that I can do anything I want to do and whenever I want to do it. I don't always need or require a partner to sit at home or go out and do something. But I have felt very lonely in the presence of family and spouse.

Do you have intimacy issues?
Had them before. Do not expect to have them again as I do not expect to repeat the same mistake I made.

Do you allow anyone to get close to you?
Sure. I'm pretty open but I'm not as 'easy' as I thought I was. I grown pretty dam picky.

What breeds loneliness?
I think Aretha Franklin summed it up at the beginning of her song 'do right woman/man'

Take me to heart and I’ll always love you
And nobody can make me do wrong
Take me for granted, leaving love unshown
Makes will-power weak and temptation strong

That may not be the only thing that brings loneliness, but I think it's pretty good start. Too many people come into a relationship playing power struggle games and holding back their love, vulnerability, and compassion - especially men because of this 'macho' image that they have to put on (and a lot of females like that). That can contribute to one of the other spouse feeling very lonely, unloved, left out, or abandoned. I think it also breeds domestic abuse and violence among men when they feel lonely and are holding back their love, vulnerability and compassion.

How does a stagnant and remote relationship with God contribute to loneliness?
For many lonely people, god is something to have faith in and hold onto in times of pain and crisis, but god is mostly an abstract. When you feel that you are lonely and that no one understand or love you then many may include god in that not understanding or that not loving. God is an abstract that can't hold you, kiss you, or love you physically, emotionally or intellectually. If you are waiting on a live actual being to give you this, then you may think god has abandoned you or is not listening if he hasn't sent that person and you're still suffering from loneliness.

Are you expecting your spouse or your relationship partner to do to much for you or to be a person they can never be to you?
I don't think I was asking for too much; but it was too much for him to give apparently.

What can you do to counter feelings of being lonely?
I will never again be in a relationship and still be lonely. It totally defeats the purpose of what I think a relationship is and is suppose to be. That one way I'm countering that.

[Brother Marcus!]

Thank you so much for sharing Nappy Kat! Wow...