IF YOU KNEW ALL THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF BEING A MARRIED WOMAN, WOULD YOU HAVE GOTTEN MARRIED?"

[adrienne strachn]

I DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT MY MOM MADE MARRIAGE OUT LIKE YOU WERE GOING TO BE SO HAPPY ABOUT IT ALL YOUR LIFE.. LIKE EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE LIKE MAGIC "THE DONNA REID SYMDROME" , IF YOU WERE MARRIED. SEX WAS GOING TO BE TERRIFIC "ALWAYS" YOU WILL NEVER REFUSE YOUR HUSBAND SEXUALLY, YOU WOULD LOVE YOUR CHILDREN BECAUSE YOUR HORMONES AND LOVING YOUR HUSBAND MADE IT SO.WHEN YOU HAD KIDS, YOU SUSPOSE TO BE HAPPY.WORKING,. DOING LAUNDRY, CLEANING THE HOUSE AND COOKING, BEING ON TIME FOR YOUR HUSBAND, HAVING YOUR KIDS IN BED OR READY FOR BED WHEN HUBBY CAME HOME GAVE YOU TIME FOR HIM.
ALWAYS LOOK GOOD, DO NOT WEAR CURLERS, DO NOT STAY IN YOUR NIGHTGOWN ALL DAY. THESE ARE THE THINGS MOMMA SAID ALL THE TIME. IT NEVER ENDED.. FORTUNATELY, I COULD NEVER KEEP UP.... HE DOES ALOT FOR ME. I TRIED IN THE BEGINING IT WAS TOO MUCH FOR ME.. DAM I WAS SINGLE NO RESPONSIBILITIES BEFORE I WAS MARRIED, WHAT ABOUT ME? NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK, WHAT ABOUT YOU LADIES...IS IT HARD TO BE THAT GOOD SPIRITUAL LOVING WIFE, SINGLE MOM ....

[Spirit Filled]

LOL!!! great topic!!! yes, in the begining, my love for my hubby was so strong that I felt I could take on the world for him. Provide for him in ways he had never imagined!!! Well, that was MY imagination running WILD!!! Just the other night, he asked me if I still owned sexy pj's because he has not seen them in a long time...LOL!!! And I actually took his comment to heart and compremised. The children now go to bed early(er), and that gives me time to shower and get night-time cute until our bedtime (doing laundry, working on computer, etc, in my cute pj's). It's actually kind of fun. I no longer have the main responsibility of getting the kids to bed, he now does that, and believe me, the kids are in bed ON TIME!!!

: )

[adrienne strachn]

SEE MARRIAGE WORKS IF YOU HAVE A SENSE OF WHO U ARE.. IT CAN CAPTIVATE YOU TO S DO SO MANY THINGS FOR HIM CAUSE YOU LOVE HIM .. CAUSE YOU HEAR HIS VOICE OF WHAT HE WANTS ALL THE TIME.. I DON'TMEAN IN A BAD WAY BUT THAT IS WHAT HAPPEN.. WOMAN LOVE TO KEEP THEIR MAN PLEASED.. YOU PLEASE YOUR PARENTS, YOU PLEASE YOUR HUSBAND.., THEN U PLEASE YOUR KIDS.. IT TAKES A WHILE TO GET YOU BACK.. BUT YOU HAVE TO CATCH IT.. THEN WHEN YOU DO,, FOLLOW YOUR LEAD...SOME GET IT IN THE BEGINIING.. THERE HUSBANDS ARE HELPFUL.. SO MEN ARE JUST DIFFERENT.... IT IS NO ONE FAULT..

[Nappykat]

You're kidding me right? Is this what your mother actually said or is this what you perceived from your fantasies of what marriage was suppose to be like and what little she may have said? I have a hard time believing this is what your mother said because I'm sure that even she didn't live this type of marriage you have said that you envisioned here.

I don't think I had any expectations of marriage. I got married on a spur at the influence of the church because I was trying to make things better. Didn't work but I wouldn't say it futile...

If you are a loving wife, how are you a single mom?

[Tyra B.]

I don't thing just getting married makes everything instantly magic. Being married is hard and something both parties have to work at and not take for granted. Being married myself for 15 years, I would say that you definitely have your ups and downs. Communication is key too (we divide the chores, child care responsibilities, etc) so at the end of the day we both feel happy and respected. Also, I feel really strongly about each partner keeping up their appearance -- doing things like eating right, and trying to exercise or dressing nicely when you go out on a "date" goes a long way towards keeping the attraction strong towards each other. Taking timing to be by yourself to pursue your own hobbies also helps to strengthen the bond you have together. At the end of the day, marriage is work. Happiness is something both partners have to work on and do things to contribute to it. It just does not and will not happen on its own. Hope this helps.

[adrienne strachn]

EVERYONE'S HUSBAND IS DIFFERENT.. I HAVE A TERRIFIC HARD WORKING HUSBAND.. BUT HE EXPECTS ALOT.. THE DEMANDS ARE ALOT, BUT THEY GOT TO WHERE I WAS FELLING ALITTLE MORE SENSITIVE. INTERNALLY.. NOW I GUESS MY PRAYERS WERE ANSWERED... I GUESS MARVIN SAPP CD DID IT,,,,I AM STRONGER AND BETTER SO MUCH BETTER.... I AM SELLING AVON AND ROMANCE PRODUCTS.. I ACT LIKE I CAN SAY NO NOW AND NOT EXHAUST MYSELF.. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF MY HUSBAND AND KIDS AGREE WITH ME... I AM LEARNING TO BE STRONG WITHIN MYSELF,... 26 YRS IS AOT.. AND NOW AT 50 IT IS ME TIME.....IF YOU WOULD IKE AVON OR ROMANCE PRODUCTS WRITE ME AT [e-mail] ADRIENNE

[Heather Davis]

I could not have said it better myself. I always say Somebody should have told me. I have been married for 5 years this coming Januaryand I struggle with who I was, who I am and who he expects me to be. It drives ne MAD!!!!!!!

[adrienne strachn]

HEATHER, I WROTE YOU BACK CAUSE I JUST FELT I NEEDED TO TELL YOU , I ONCE FELT LOST IN BEING A MOMMIE AND A WIFE,,, EVERYTHING WAS MY FAMILY. I HAVE 6 CHILDREN.. ALL DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES.. HUBBY ALWAYS WORKED HARD AND PROVIDED FOR US..HE IS TERRIFIC, BUT LIKE EVERTHING ALMOST PERFECT ON MY PART. I AM A STAY HOME WORKING MOM.. WELL LET ME TELL YOU.. I WAS CONSUMED AND SOMEWHAT CONSUMED NOW, BUT NOW SINCE THE YOUNGEST IS IN THE 11TH GRADE. I LOVE ME MORE.. I DONT EXPLAIN ANYMORE HOW I WANT THINGS TO BE.. NO ONE UNDERSTOOD ANYWAY. NOW,.. I KIND OF JUST TELL THEM WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE..I'VE LEARNED THAT WHEN YOU LET EVERYONE ELSE SMELL THE COFFEE U GET TO BE MORE APPRECIATED...HUBBY COOKS NOW ON HIS DAYS OFF,. I LET HIM DECIPLINE, I HATED YELLING THEN THE FROWNING.. , I GET LOST IN MY COMPUTER.. I READ, AND ENJOY ME MORE... I STILL DO FOR MY FAMILY.. BUT I LET HUBBY KNOW AND KIDS KKNOW I HAVE FEELINGS.. ALITTLE LIKE MOM, AND SHE WAS AN EXCELLENT MOM AND TERRIFIC WIFE.. SHE IS A BLESSED AND SAVED WOMAN.. I AM TOO, BUT NOT AS MUCH LIKE HER.. I HAVE MY FAULTS HAHA.. I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS. IN MARRIAGE... EVERY MAN IS DIFFERENT.. U HAVE TO LAY LAWS DOWN IN THE BEGINING WITH ALOT OF LOVE..

[adrienne strachn]

HEATHER WORRY ABOUT YOU....LET GO EASILY OF SOME OF HIS EXPECTATIONS ONE BY ONE.. IT IS GRADUAL NOT OVER NITE,,, I T TOOK ME YEARS.. YOU WANT TO HOLD ON TO YOUR MARRIAGE NOT DESTROY IT.. YOU CAN EMAIL IF YOU'D LIKE... [e-mail]

[TrueDiva]

NO I would'nt have, just plain out NO!!!!

[LaVender]

No, No, and No. It's ALOT of work and sometimes I just want to be LAZY!

[adrienne strachn]

THIS IS FUNNY... I THINK ALOT OF WIVES FEEL THIS WAY..BUT THE QUESTION IS WHY DO WE FALL SO HARD IN LOVE AND TRY TO WORK THINGS OUT..

[C_Beyondlimits]

I was kind of talking to my kids about a similar subject. I was telling them how back in the day, women actually had a group of helpers who would do their hair, help them tie corsets and other frilly gadgets, and dress them and tie their shoes before breakfast was served. Then, during my grandmother's time, a woman always had her hair pressed and curled and at the very minimum.. she would put on her lipstick. She always wore stockings with a dress and had some kind of scarf or hair net for her hair. Now... some women (including me) kinda just go with the flow of things when we don't have to be anywhere at a specific time.

Growing up, I could see that marriage wasn't easy. I saw married people who couldn't stand to be around each other. I saw my parents divorce due to infidelity. But, somehow I still believed that the fairy tale would happen to me.. lol. I have been on my own longer than I was married, so part of me still believes it can happen... but a bigger part of me gave up on the idea a long time ago. ESPECIALLY after being pursued by so many married men (online that is.)

My parents did make adulthood look easy though. Bills always seemed to be paid.. I had everything I needed (and most of what I wanted.) I doubt if I give my kids the same impression.. lol. They see how hard it is for my by myself... mainly because they have to sacrifice along with me.