Black Moms Club

Welcome Black Moms, African American Parents, Mothers of Color, Single Moms,Dads

I am a mother of two, happily married for several years to a great man, wonderful father and my best friend. But i am lonely to have female friends. I have no luck with them. I have the tendecy to give people my all but in the end, i am the one who gets hurt by most of the ladies that I have had in my life. Why? I have tried to make friends but the Sisters that I have tried to make friends with "are busy". Busy enough to hang out with each other but not with me. But they will call me if the have a complaint or want to gossip (something I dont do). So eventually they stop calling me because i dont want to get into the gossip and the nagging complaint that they want to talk about.

I wish I could meet a nice Sister, someone who would like to share ideas about raising kids or just want to just chat or want to meet at the park so our kids could play together. I would like to meet someone who dont have unneccessary drama in their life and is happy to be alive (I was in a bad car accident last year so I am happy to be alive). I would like to meet someone that i can talk to

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Hey listen,
I decided to respond cause no one else has responded to your post--or mine for that reason. Look, Lord knows I'm no savior, but I like people and I like to extend myself as well, I'm not the one to wait (unless the Lord leads me to) I have been thru periods throughout my life like what you described. Here's my piece of advice, I heard a minister who was going through some rejection issues say God told him:, "go where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated!" When you pray ask God to draw like hearts to like hearts, that is to place you in the company of persons who function with like standards (unless you need to come up in some areas-and be honest :) ) He will do it for you. If you find you keep attracting the same kind of negative energy/people, time to do a personal assessment! God is not into His kids being abused, so sometimes He just allows folks to be moved right on out of your life! Do a jig! Less heartache for you! Be patient and He will send you the right ones. You sound like a blessed woman! That can bother some folks--again, go where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated! Let the past go and full steam ahead! New friends, acquaintances and higher levels of love are on their way to you if just allow them! Shake off any ("D")depression (this is easiest done by keeping A LOT OF LAUGHTER in your life (when that "D" thing tries to jump me, I pull out my favorite comedy videos or call my big sis who has a most delightful sense of humor and laugh til my stomach hurts!

One more thing,

EVERYDAY, start by thanking God (I call Him Yeshua) for all He's blessed you with. Once upon a time, I was a beautiful Queen in my castle, I was married to a man who was truly my beautiful King. We created a wonderful adventure together called "marriage" and grew more close with each year that passed til nearly 16 years had gone by, and then sadly(because his earthly journey with me was over for now) he made his journey to be with our Lord. I was 38 then and now I'm 46. I miss him dearly, but bad as it can hurt sometimes he left me with so much love, and two beautiful children. It's been very hard, but every day Yeshua has required that I keep moving, so, I do.

Love is all around you sister,
ask Him to open your eyes to see it because truly it is there.

Shalom & blessings to you
Miss Yna
Hey Sis, thanks for your words of encourangement.
Hey Sis, thanks for your post. Yes, i have outgrown my old friends who love to hang in the club and so on. I am done with that life and now live a life as a wife and mother. I love my life and enjoy being both but wish there was more. I guess i am at the point where i am alittle afraid of making new friends because of being burnt in the past but on the other hand, i welcome new friends because irregardless of being burnt, i need them. Everyone need some form of friendship in their lives.
Francine: Hi. Nice to "meet" you. I too am happily married without much drama in my life. For this I am grateful. I get where you're coming from. In many ways I'm like you. I tend to give all of me to everyone and somtime feel cheated in the end. I do have a few close friends. I have learned that friendships are alot like marriages...work!!! I have also learned the I don't want or need everyone to be my friend. My boys are teenagers, so I don't do many play dates anymore but I welcome "grown folks time". I would love to "chat" with you. What part of the world do you live in?
Hey PaulaB, thanks for your reply. I live in Renton washington, a few minutes outside of Seattle. Would love to get to know you
This is a deep topic. I honestly didnt even think about doing a discussion like this, didnt know there were that many females going through this kind of thing i guess. Well I will tell you this, I am going through it and I hate it. If i try to talk to my man he will just look at me like I have a third tit. All of my female "friends" stop dealing me when I stopped clubing every weekend. So now whenever I get a moment from swampy diapers, and beeing my daughters teething ring I hop online in a hopeless desperation of speaking to someone that can understand the things that I am going through and somekind of feedback. I've never felt this feeling before, so how do I deal with it?
Sis, I really dont know. For me when i meet someone new, things always go great in the beginning, then all of a sudden, they never have time to be friends anymore. I have even been in the store and see a fellow Sister and i would smile and say hi and they would just walk right by with a frown on her face. But when i do get a responds like a hi or a smile, I am usually the one who say hi first. My husband said we are so mean to each other. I sometimes agree with him but other times I believe we are just scared.
I understand your situation. My "circle" of girlfriends is very, very limited. But what I had to discover was, it is ok to be alone. I am pretty good company. I love my family, I dont go to clubs, I live a spirit filled life, and I am content. There are times when it would be nice to have another "like-minded" person near me, but until the right person is led to me, I don't bother looking. Because I seem to find the drama-mama's. But the Lord gives me who I need. So be patient. You could be in a "lonely" state for a reason : ) it doesn't have to be a bad thing.

Stay encouraged.

~Spirit
I will try and stay encouraged. Thank you all for your respond.
Wow. So you mean to tell me there are actually other black women out here who desire real black female friendship and don't see them as trying-to-be-too-cute, dirty, snobby, sneaky, angry, trifeling, selfish, home-wrecking, man-stealing be-atches and whores?

The kind of black women who don't see themselves as in competition with every other woman (especially black women) for the competition of a (black) man's attentions and affections?

Woah lordy. Yall must been hidin up under a rock somewhere because it seems like those kind of black women are hard to come by.

That's it. I wasn't extending a hand of friendship because I'm kinda aloof and don't do 'friends' very well at all. But I wish you the best. Stay encourage.
Thanks for your post. Girl, we are out there. There are decent women who truly would like to have friends with our black sister. I am not a back stabbing, man hungry, man stealing, snobby, sneaky, far from being angry, unself black woman. Far from being a whore also (LOL). Just a regular lady looking for friendship. someone to talk to, like everyone else
Oh my goodness, we are soooo out here!!!!! (lol) I work with a lot of single mothers, that I "thought" would enjoy hanging out and just relaxing and enjoying life. Oh how wrong I was, it started out being like 16 of us and now it's down to just 2!!!

They were all under the assumption that we were hanging out to meet "men". That's something that I would NEVA do. I tried to find different things for us to do within the city. Things that we (as black women) don't normally do. Things that would cause us to step out of our comfort zones, to try something different.

Well.. it didn't go so well, so now I'm just living and doing what's pleasing to me. I still let them know what I have planned for the weekend or what not, and those that want to tag along do, and those that don't don't, but I still go and enjoy what little life and peace I have left on this earth.

Sista, find something to do that pleases you, something that will bring you peace and you do it. Talk about your outtings and adventures and believe it or not, sistas around you will say hmmmm.. I thought about doing something like that but didn't think "sistas" did those types of things. Or they'll say, well I wanted to do that but never had anyone to do it with.

Stay in prayer about the company that you keep because not all company is good company!!! Happy trails sista and have a peace'filled journey!!!

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