School bullies....

[LindsMom]

I know the school year is almost over, but I read the saddest story of an 11 year old boy here in Atlanta that killed himself recently because he kept getting bullied in school. Apparantly the child went to the teachers and principle, but nothing had been done to stop his torment. Kids can be so cruel and I remember what it was like in school and it still bothers me. What makes these kids constantly torment other children? Are there problems in the home, personality disorders, insecurities? I just can't imagine what the deceased child's parents are going through.

[LindsMom]

That's so true but constantly having to defend onself would drain anybody especially a kid. Even with a child that bullies other kids, what do school officials do with him (or her)? How many times can a child be reprimanded or put in detention before that doesn't work anymore. Its sad to be forced to go into a hostile situation and nobody do anything. I looked up a little info on the school where this boy went and it was poor performing school and 90% black. I'm sure bullies are in every school, but I guess this school had more than its fair share.

[LindsMom]

I think it does start with the parents. Even on my daughter's t-ball team, there are parents who make comments about other peoples kids to their children. This is t-ball and we're talking 4 year olds!! Its no wonder the kids end up being snobs and picking on other children when they go to school. I wouldn't want to encourage a child to fight, but everyone has their limit. All it should take is one good knock down and they should get the message.

[Sharon Rodriguez]

I was tormented as a child and praise God every time I think about it that I didn't have access to a gun. I don't know if I'd have killed myself but I sure would've used it on them. It's a horrible situation when a child tries 'everything' and nothing is done to stop the lil bastards from bullying.

I have a three year old who is developmentally delayed and in a preschool program for children with disabilities (PPCD). PPCD is great because there are only 6 boys in his class and they're all just babies trying to get a head start. I worry because eventually, I assume he'll be around other kids who are "quicker" than my son and he won't have the where-with-all to defend himself. I still don't know what to say or do to bullies.

All I learned to do is fight them but I don't know how to verbally spar unless I'm cussing someone out and I know I'm better and smarter than that. I wish I knew how to help him (and his twin sister) learn how to handle the jerks they'll undoubtedly run into in their academics years...

[LindsMom]

Sharon, that's what I'm stressing about right now. My daughter will start kindergarden this year and it's bringing it all back to me. She is the sweetest child and does her best to share and make friends with other kids, but there are some kids who just aren't like that and will see her kindness as a weakness. I'm to the point that I want to homeschool, but I'm single so that makes things very difficult. Now I'm having to teach her not to be so friendly just to protect herself. Fighting is the last thing I would want her to do, but there are some kids that won't get the message until you fight back.

[Gail Hayes]

I have a 12 year old son who is currently experiencing bullying. Most of it was verbal. The boys called him gay and a few other choice words on a regular basis. My son and I had a meeting with the 6th grade principal and she in turn, had meetings with the three boys involved. Two of the boys stopped but today we had to report the third boy again.

I wept when I heard about the two boys who committed suicide. They were both experiencing he same thing my son is going through. I cannot imagine what those mothers are going through at this moment. I had him when I was 41 years old (I had my daughter at age 43) and it changed my life and career path. I am now currently building a business as Character Education Consultant. Working with my babies has given me the experiences needed in order to create programs to build character and self worth in children. It is one of the most rewarding things in my life. I guess one could call it a gift from my babies.

[Germanie]

I read this as well and it is heartbreaking. From personal experience my daughter was being bullied at the school I just took her out of. I know the school year is almost over but I had to do it because yes she was telling the teachers and they did not do anything and the principal did not either. The kids would talk about her shoes and things. One little girl actually spit in a napkin and hit my daughter in the face with it. Another little girl was so jealous of my daughter because of the things she has that she would talk about her all on the bus and threaten to punch her in the face and another actually did walk up to her and hit her in the face. That was when I had enough but my daughter did defend herself but nothing was being done and my child was always the one being suspended. I took her out but I also went off on them. Its sad because with all that has been going on she will end up having to repeat the 5th grade. Now she is getting schooled by the district we live in and the old school was a charter school that bused children from all over. A lot of it has to do with insecurities to me and problems at home and what they see at home.

[LindsMom]

Germanie, what your daughter went through was horrible,especially with the little girl. Its amazing how nasty little girls can be these days. I know I'm getting old but I don't remember it being as bad when I was growing up. Interesting that you mentioned your daughter went to a charter school, because in the county I live in has the same "choice" options for parents seeking schools outside of their community that may be better than the ones in their neighborhood. Charters operate like regular schools for the most part right? Was the school in your neighborhood or did you decide to send your child to that particular school? Was your child's school high performing with a good reputation or average?

I have the option of going to my neighborhood school or choosing a different one outside of my community and I chose to leave. The main reason is due to the fact that I brought my house at a young age and had no clue what I was doing and didn't expect to have kids until I got married. Quality schools were the furthest thing from my mind at the time and well I bought a house and have been here for 9 years. My community is quiet, but if I had to do over things would be very different.

Anyway charters are okay, but magnet is better in my opinion because at least the kids have to maintain a 3.0 grade point average to stay there and its an option for anyone in the county. Bullys are in every school and of course there are the snobs that bully too, but I'm sure the worst of the worst have poor grades and stay in trouble all the time, so magnet has natural attrition built in which I like that very much. :)

[Bran]

You just never know with this sort of thing, it definitely is very sad. I have a 13 yr. old daughter who is generally well-behaved and is a social butterfly. Year before last I found out that my daughter was going through a bullying stage, which was a total shock. She was so quiet and always was one of the "good kids" in class. This took place during a time that my home life was inconsitant and I had just made a move from the County to the City (In STL that is like suburbs=Hood). I asked her why and she said that bullying was so prevelant now that she would rather be the bully than the one getting bullied (she has been bullied before). I'm glad that chapter is over. Now a days kids are ridiculed for being "tattletales" in school even by the teachers and that is pretty darn sad. I believe that the education system needs to be reformed for this generation, teachers are teaching the old-fashioned way. I really don't think that teachers are coming out of school equipted to deal with the new breed of children that we have. My daughter had a girl in her class with 9 siblings being raised by their blind 80 yr. old grandma, and another boy whos mom works 60 hrs. a week and he washes their clothes out in the tub and dries them with the iron, cooks, cleans, and presses his sisters hair in the morning (He is 11). Last year there was one boy who went on and on about how his mom hated him and his dad didnt want him, he was a bully. He had suicidal episodes once or twice a week threatening to jump out the school window during class. The first couple of times the guards where called after a while the class would just ignore him until he went in the hall and just cried. When I found out about it, I asked the teacher, "Did a student threaten to jump from your window today?", and she said, "Oh, thats just Earl, he does that sometimes". She said he only wanted attention and I asked her if she thought that it affected the rest of the kids and she said, "We just ignore it, we are used to it."

I would love to discuss this further, but I have to go right now. I'll try to sign on later, very interesting topic.

[Bran]

I have been on both ends of this story and I have children that have experienced being bullied and have been the bully. We want our children to defend themselves but we dont want them to get in trouble or be bullied/bully. As parents we have to pay close attention to what is going on with our children even the littlelest things. I would never have known that my daughter was bullying if I hadnt "picked the bone" about a wristwatch that she had worn. I just figured she liked a little boy or vice versa and I told her she could not except gifts from little boys and if he let her borrow it then she needed to give it back before it got broken. So I walked her to the bus to tell the little boy myself and initially he went along with it just saying OK but reaaly he covering for my daughter out of fear. This was a precursor to later events that involved her bullying other students and even teachers. She had taken the watch from the little boy and he was scared to tell, teachers did not say anything because they thought maybe I was just another parent who would not address the situation and it would only lead to worse behavior that they would have to deal with in their class. I mean this is a sweet, pretty little 11 yr. old girl. Quiet, well mannered 5" ft. weighing about 90 lbs. (less than avrg.) I was floored! But I handled that situation too and we dont have that problem anymore.