The Top 5 Things Men Do That Push You Dangerously Close to Breakups/Divorce?

[California Leo]

I'm doing a bit of research and need to know what you ladies have found to be the most damaging behaviors that men exhibited towards you, or the most irritating things they consistently did or did not do that negatively affected your relationship? With women filing 75% of the divorces in this country, there are apparently a lot of men without a clue about how to talk to, treat and respect their women. Please give me your list of 3-5 things that either pushed you to divorce/break off a relationship in the past, or that are in danger of doing so in your current relationship.

Also include if you have talked about these issues with your man, and how he responded to your request for change.

[Charlene Daniels]

The top 5 things men do to push me dangerously close to breakup/divorce would be.
1. Cheating, I believe if you are unhappy with me, talk to me let me know what you don’t like. In my past relationships after being caught, my man would than tell me he was unhappy. I don’t want you, if I can’t trust you.
2. Lying is unattractive, and will also interfere in my relationship. I don’t want you around me if I question your behavior every time I turn my back on you. My mother would tell me don’t lie, because you have to continue lying to cover-up the first lie you tell.
3. Stealing from me goes back to me not trusting you. I’m a very giving person, so there is no reason why you would have to steal, just ask me.
4. Lack of emotional support I’m not asking him to cater to my every emotion, I just want him to recognize my feelings. If I’m upset talk to me, hear my side, we don’t have to agree, just understand my view.
5. No ambition is a turn-off. I can understand if he is unemployed due to the economy, but what are you doing until you find employment? Go to school or learn a trade, don’t just sit there until work finds you.
There are other behaviors that I didn’t address. I don’t like an abusive man, or a disrespect man. I want him to treat me like you treat your mother, or sister.

[Shanie Taylor]

Really we need to talk.....You feel the EXACT same way as I do.

[Tasha J]

I tell you this is exactly what I am talking about. These are the same reasons why my marriage was going downhill. I really thought that I was the only person that really saw it this way. I agree we need to talk to.

[Nappykat]

1. Communication - men that can't express themselves verbally and concisely irritate the the hell out of me. My communication skills are great and to a man they may be intimidating. I hate when I have to guess, decipher, and tear apart what someone says because they aren't concise (or is precise?), or then they say something like 'well you know what I mean.' 98% of time I can guess correctly what someone means, but I shouldn't have to guess if your communication skills are up to par.

2. Communication - a man should not feel intimidated or emasculated when I want to talk about issues of cheating before one cheats, or issues of birth control, children, incarceration, STD's, or any if these issues before and if they become issues. Men have a tendency to do something first (like cheat or be cheated on) but never want to talk about the issues that may have led to cheating or about the problems in the relationships before hand until things have gotten out of control. Even then they don't want to talk and may take the route of denial or blaming someone else.

3. Communication - and this goes back to what Ms. Charlene said is her #4 - EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. Emotional support is a communication issues. Ditto to everything she said about her #4

4) Jealousy. Jealousy is not cute and I do not think you love me more just because you don't want me to be with someone else or you try to intimdate men around you that you think might be interested in me. Jealousy is sign of insecurity and that is my #5....

5. Insecurity. Insecurity breeds men that are jealous, abusive, depressed, aggressive, controlling, can't communicate properly, easily intimated, and have issues with with whatever they think a man and masculity is or should be.

[Mahogany Momma]

1. Lack of Communication
2. Lack of Affection
3. Jealousy
4. Money Issues

[California Leo]

MM, can you provide a bit more detail (maybe an example or two) of what you mean by each one? I want to make sure I completely understand what you are telling me... don't want to assume.

[DivasMaMa]

Presently what im going through....
1) letting others have say so in our relationship... my boyfriend/father of my child continues to go through this state of depression whenever he speaks to his step mother cause she has her horrid opinion in regards to the way that i am a mother to my child. (she doesnt like the lotion i use the diapers i use the cloths i buy etc. etc. etc) this depression always starts an arugument with me and him because he ends up staying to himself and not dealing with me and our daughter... so this is what is making me want to break up with him : (

What i have been through....
2) lack of a back bone when it comes to their female friends over stepping their boundries..... ok i understand that men have a lot of female friends just like females have a lot of male friends, but the friends have to understand that their is just a way to speak and deal with the significant others. if 1 of his female tries to speak down to me or try to make me feel less than comfortable in my relationship then he needs to address the situation. dont get me wrong, i can stand up for myself, however i try to avoid drama and everyone knows that this kind of situation almost always ends in a ugly way.

3) lack of security..... again i can handle/take care of myself but i feel that if you are my man then i should not have to jump out the bed and run downstairs to make sure my family is safe when a robber is trying to break in... and i damn sure shouldnt have to defend you when we are out on a date.

4) lack of ambition and funds..... i understand sticking in there for the long haul and i understand in being there for my man during the hard times, i can do that but if your not trying then there is really no need in me trying to stick in there with you. hell its no need in the both of us being broke, i can do bad by myself and be much more happy.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

5) lack of communication.... tell me what you are going through without me having to drag it out of you. if im your significant other than you should be able to confide in me and i should be able to confide in you. and if im going through something or having a hard day then dont brush me off, be there for me because i would be there for you.

[Spirit Filled]

I dont have 5 things to mention, but I do have two. If we look at relationships, women suffer from feeling a lack of "love" and men suffer from feeling a lack of "respect". When a women does not feel loved, she acts out in a "disrespecting" way, when a man does not feel respected, he acts out in a "unloving" way. When we dont understand the importance of women respecting men and men loving women, that starts a whole world of trouble. Everything everybody has mentioned has truth to it. But if we would impliment Biblical principles in our marriages, we would find far less couples in divorce court. And right now, I have challenged myself to focus on Ephesians 5:33, which is not a suggestion, but a command..."Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." This, or course goes against how the world thinks, but if we understand the purpose of marriage and if we trust the word of God, we will not fail. Just my opinion. Thanks for the blog.

~Spirit

[California Leo]

I would think that if a man follows the first of that command, and loves and respects his wife , there wouldn't be a problem. But somewhere there is a breakdown which results in women filing for divorce. And like I said, I see just as many divorces amongst religious people as I do non-believers (if not more), so I'm not convinced the Bible is the answer. Your first sentences are very telling and I will definitely add those to my notes on this subject. Thanks Spirit! :)

[Nappykat]

I'd venture to say that most likely 3/4 or the people or more that are getting divorced are Christians, and if not at least part of the big 3 (Christian, Jewish, Muslim). And I'll even go as far as to say that the bible may be leading people to divorce - as even wives and husbands can't seem to agree on whatever interpretation they have of the bible. And those that need to be divorce stay together - because of the bible and their religious affiliation. But don't mind me. Yall know what yall bible teaches about believers and non believers.

QUOTE
If we look at relationships, women suffer from feeling a lack of "love" and men suffer from feeling a lack of "respect". When a women does not feel loved, she acts out in a "disrespecting" way, when a man does not feel respected, he acts out in a "unloving" way. When we dont understand the importance of women respecting men and men loving women, that starts a whole world of trouble.
END QUOTE

Intressting, intressting. And I wonder what women seek and want when they look for 'love' and what men seek and want when they want 'respect.' I'm sure past, family make up and family history has a lot to do with whatever 'love' and 'respect' is someone. Not so black and white like we think it should be. I'm sure 'submission' (and whatever definition that entails) is apart of it of what men (and maybe women) see as 'respect.'

[Shavonda Webber-Christmas]

More than your opinion, it's the word and opinion of God!!

[Nappykat]

You do realize that not every darkie is a fervent Christian or believer in 'your' god. That is self-righteous, hypocritical, and presumptuous. But whatever.

anyways, the people that have answered so far, I wonder if you are married, separated with an impending divorce, or completely divorced. And does this matter to the sake of the research and the question?