My disappointment

[Ashanti Danielle Hasam]

I have always tried to be level headed and hoest with myself as a parent. My children have two different each of them choosing to not be active parents. I blame this on our ages at the time I was a teen parent and they were teen guys. I have also understood that some people cannot accept the fact that you do not have to have an active relationship sexual or otherwise to still want to care for your child. My oldest is turning eleven in another month and there are so many issues and concern that I have with this. She is going to go through a stage in her life where only a father can explain how men think to a young girl effectively. I can talk to her until I am blue in the face and I am honest and open with her. I only want her to have a male figure that I did not have. I reached out to her father via email because I located him on a popular website. He has had no contact with her in going on five years. For legal reasons he is not allowed to see her alone and he chose to not see her at all. When I reached out to him I asked him if it was possible for him to have father daughter talks with her and maybe give her a sense of self that I didn't have. He gave me excuses as to why he could not: he is busy, he works soo much, he doesn't have furniture in his apartment and the list goes on. I'm sorry but I work a pt job in a gas station and pt for free in a dentist office as a dental assistant to make a name for myself and possibly be referred to an office that will employ me, I go to school to get my Associates and expanded funtions for my field, I make time for my kids going over homework, get them outside, I am looking for afffordabel activities for them outside of school > i watch my nephew on saturdays for my sister so she can work and I also try to fidn tome for me to breathe and pray every night...So with that being said I am having a hard time understanding why I should have to beg for him to even have a damn conversatin or possibly meet for ice cream just be a positive male figure...The final straw is He went on to tell me that he does not believe in GOD he is a mythical creature and that I have to wait for when he is ready to do what he is going to do.....This breaks my heart because I really don't want her to be around someone who doesn't have a higher power or anything else that resembles morals. I just want him to be a dad....I just want her to have a normal life and not fall into the traps that so many young girls fall into....

[Sistah42]

Ashanti,

Thank you for sharing, below is a blog post link regarding mother/daughter relationships that might interest you.

A Letter To My Daughter
posted by A Word For My Sistas

The path to truly loving ourselves begins the moment we are born. The quest for validation for some seems never ending. What we must recognize is that there is power in words and power in actions. We have to tell our little girls that they are beautiful and that they are worthy. We have to help build up their confidence and their self-esteem. We have the responsibility of encouraging them to cultivate empowering thoughts. We are aware of the many pitfalls in society that women of color sometimes face. We have the opportunity and we must take advantage of the opportunity to raise little girls who love who they are. It starts at home, it starts with us. I hope you are as committed as I am to raising a little girl who can truly love herself. I wrote the following letter to my daughter that is stored in her keepsake box that she has had since she was born. If there is ever a time in her life where she ever needs to be reminded about just how special she is; the letter will always be there for her. I encourage those who has a daughter to write a letter to their own daughter as well.

Go to the link below to read the letter:

http://brownsista.com/a-letter-to-my-daughter/

[Spirit Filled]

Hi Ashanti, I know how you feel. I was a divorces single parent with the same desires for my children. But what I want to share with you is, although you maynot be able to teach her things 'thus saith a man..." if you continue to allow God to lead your life, HE will be all the man she needs, through you. You have everything you need in you to raise your daughter to understand the mind of a man, from a woman. So don't fall for the okee-doke from the enemy that your daughter will not be complete without a man role model. Jesus never leaves us. You pray for the wisdom and knowledge to teach your daughter what she wants to know, and HE will give it to you. One thing I did as far as having positive male model around my daughter, I had the support of my family. Now when her father came around to wanting to be a part of her life, she realized from that alone what she did NOT want in a man (and I never said a bad word against him). So don't think you are not capable of being what your daughter needs. Yes, we WANT our daughters to have that active male role model in their lives, but it does not always happen that way, and you can't MAKE it happen. Continue to pray. You will be led.

~Spirit
www.proverbs31women.ning.com