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Are Black Women Teaching Their Daughters to Be Mean?

My 4 year old son is attending school for the first time. His school is very diverse and apparently four year olds are very touchy feely little people. They just like to hug. Well, my baby is quite popular with the girls.

We recently went to the Pumpkin Patch and one particular little girl was all over my baby. They were holding hands and hugging. She followed him everywhere he went. On the hay ride there was another little girl that was really upset and very vocal about it. He had not played with her. My son is African American while his chosen playmate of the day was white and the little girl with the attitude was Asian.

Later in the day, I asked my son about the African American girls in his class. I asked him if he played with them. His response has started an ongoing discussion in my family, so I wanted someone else’s opinion. (And I know I will get plenty here!) My smart and intelligent four years old said, “The brown girls are mean. They don’t speak and only want to play with me when I am playing with the other girls.” My husband says that he is right.

What do you think?

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Comment by Nicholle on October 27, 2008 at 1:44am
WOW Kym. This is so profound! I hear the same story from my male friends who are in their 30's about women in the club.

If a 4 year old and a 30 year old are having the same experience, something is terribly wrong.

We have got to address this! Black moms! What are you teaching your daughters?
Comment by Verona Wiltse on October 27, 2008 at 9:42am
Yes Kym, I have a 15 year old grandson, he's very tall and handsome. The school that he attend all his life is predominantly white with mixers of Blacks, Asian, Spanish, arabs etc. I have always noticed that the girls that calls or I see him with are White and Spanish. When I asked him about the Black girls in his school, he said and I quote. "Grandma, they are mad scary". When I asked what do you mean by that. He said they are loud in the hallway and always fighting. I try not to look at them, they may want to fight me. I don't know what's going on. I think, it's the shows they are watching. When they show Black girls on TV, (young people shows) they usually arguing with someone or dancing in risque videos. When he was younger, we would watch Crosby. I would also get him to watch the reruns of the Jefferson and Will Smith Show. So he could see position Black people. When I said to him but Jordan, I am Black and your Mother is Black and you are'nt scrared of us, he would say "I love you grandma, all my friends think you are the coolest grandma they have ever seen. If I could talk to these young girls on TV, I would tell them not to play any roles that depict young Black women in a negative way. I have heard black actresses, on talks, saying the reason we haven't seen them in any movies in while. It's because of the roles they have been asked to play. I look at it this way; because of everything we have been through over the years, whatever I do or where ever I go I represent my people and womanhood in the best possible light. I have a one year old granddaughter, I think we are going to have to rethink how we should raise her. What we should expose her to. Try to give her a good sense of self. Teach her about repect for herself and others and always carry herself well and with pride. I don't know, what do you think?
Comment by Bridget on October 27, 2008 at 8:36pm
Yes I beleive that they are and its sad to see. I have always taught my girls and still do and the are 21, 20, and 14 there is only one you. If you dont respect yourself then nobody will people are going to talk about you from sun up to sun down but as the saying goes its not what they call you, its what you answer to that makes a difference
Comment by Dani on October 28, 2008 at 8:07pm
it has to be genetics or sumthin cuz I swear i'm not racist but if i see a black man with a white woman i'm mad as hell.especially when they are fine. But I dont know why i'm unhappy to see them together.I mean it bothers me. as if sisters aren't good enough for them. I dont see that maybe they can be really digging dat person.
Comment by Kim S. Godfrey on October 28, 2008 at 8:35pm
Dani, what about when it is because of our attitude that they are with the white woman. Is it possible that we as black women are pushing our black men away? Think about it...and tell me what you think?

Comment by Verona Wiltse on October 29, 2008 at 1:30pm
I think , somewhat, it's black women attitude. I mean, we have to represent. But I also think, it the negativity that they are seeing day after day on TV. As far as them dating white women. I think again, this has to do with the media. The media shows black men with white women so much that they think that's the thing to do. The media, hollywood they determine how america thinks and feel and if you are a small minded man; then you are going follow. If you noticed a lot of the shows on tv now shows black men with white women married or dating. If they are not married or dating, they are working together. In the commercials, (lately it has been changing, I think it's because of Barack and Michelle) They will show white people and black men doing things together. I use to say, where are the black women? I also noticed in the commercials that when a black women is in a commercial she is alone with her family, no,man, but when they show a white women she has a family and a man. I know a lady from my grandson school. She tells me about her daughter who is in college. The girl is smart, well mannered, she's going to be a doctor. And none of the black boys in college talk her or even noticed her. They all walk around with these little white girl. That's why I say, we have represent, not only smart, but carry ourselves well, with poise and confidence. I think if we don't teach our young black grils these things, they will not be able to compete with these little white girls.
Comment by Trisha Martin on October 29, 2008 at 4:12pm
Some black people are angry and it is passed down to our kids and so on. The reality is that we are an angry people because of our past and possibly what we feel is our future. I don't want to get too deep, just wanted to say a lil something. But that is sad and scary that the lil people, my God, 4 year olds, are aware at such an early age.
Comment by Verona Wiltse on October 30, 2008 at 10:36am
Kids noticed more than you think. But if the people around them are positive, shows confidence and respect for themselfves, then what they see outside will not matter so much. They may notice the difference outside of their homes, but they know that their families are not that way. And will grow up to think and believe what they see at home.
Comment by Nicholle on October 30, 2008 at 1:21pm
So, Kim, and other moms, Lets get back to the original question,

Are Black Moms teaching their daughters to be mean?
Comment by Trisha Martin on October 31, 2008 at 2:06pm
I wouldn't say they're being taught as much as I would say that they are in-directly being influenced by their surroundings???

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