Are Black Women Teaching Their Daughters to Be Mean?

[KimSyne]

My 4 year old son is attending school for the first time. His school is very diverse and apparently four year olds are very touchy feely little people. They just like to hug. Well, my baby is quite popular with the girls.

We recently went to the Pumpkin Patch and one particular little girl was all over my baby. They were holding hands and hugging. She followed him everywhere he went. On the hay ride there was another little girl that was really upset and very vocal about it. He had not played with her. My son is African American while his chosen playmate of the day was white and the little girl with the attitude was Asian.

Later in the day, I asked my son about the African American girls in his class. I asked him if he played with them. His response has started an ongoing discussion in my family, so I wanted someone else’s opinion. (And I know I will get plenty here!) My smart and intelligent four years old said, “The brown girls are mean. They don’t speak and only want to play with me when I am playing with the other girls.” My husband says that he is right.

What do you think?

[Michaela Butler]

I agree Germanie... I have the same issue with my daughter who is 10.

[Michaela Butler]

I would agree with Trisha... they aren't being taught as much as they are being influenced by their surroundings. i have a stepdaughter, who doesn't want to have any part of me. She's about 15 years old. She picks up everything from her mother. I tried to be a positive influence while she lived with her father and I but I do see it everywhere. I tell my daughter not to be mean and to be nice to everyone. I found that even though she has a diverse class, she tends to spend more time talking and hanging with the nonblack children.

[Germanie]

Yes I do believe this also. My daughter is only 10 and she has attended a school with predominantly white children and she had no problems just the typical girl things that girls argue about. Now she is attending a charter school that is predominantly black and the black girls mistreat her all the time. They make fun of her shoes and hair. And when I see these girls they have weave all don their backs. I've always taught her to treat others the same regardless of skin color and gender.

[KimSyne]

Wow! Fatima thanks for replying.

The question wasn’t asked as an attempt to be offensive to anyone. The purpose of the question was to start an open discussion on the subject. The subject was based on a statement made by my 4 year old son. The question, “Are black women teaching their daughters to be mean?” is not a generalization; it is a question to black women about black women posted on a networking site geared to black women.

What better place to have this discussion then on Black Moms Club?
KimSyne

[Fatima]

Am I the only black woman that finds that sweeping generalization offensive? If you are willing to say that Black moms are teaching their daughters to be mean, that means you are teaching your daughters this, your moms taught you this, your grandmothers taught your mother this and on and on and on. I don't believe that is the case for me or my mother or my child or my sisters or my nieces or cousins that are in my life. Since I attended college with few blacks and work with few blacks, I am very sensitive to generalizations that are made about black people by other races. It upsets me even more when we stereotype ourselves.

[Trisha Martin]

I wouldn't say they're being taught as much as I would say that they are in-directly being influenced by their surroundings???

[Nicholle]

So, Kim, and other moms, Lets get back to the original question,

Are Black Moms teaching their daughters to be mean?

[Verona Wiltse]

Kids noticed more than you think. But if the people around them are positive, shows confidence and respect for themselfves, then what they see outside will not matter so much. They may notice the difference outside of their homes, but they know that their families are not that way. And will grow up to think and believe what they see at home.

[Trisha Martin]

Some black people are angry and it is passed down to our kids and so on. The reality is that we are an angry people because of our past and possibly what we feel is our future. I don't want to get too deep, just wanted to say a lil something. But that is sad and scary that the lil people, my God, 4 year olds, are aware at such an early age.

[Verona Wiltse]

I think , somewhat, it's black women attitude. I mean, we have to represent. But I also think, it the negativity that they are seeing day after day on TV. As far as them dating white women. I think again, this has to do with the media. The media shows black men with white women so much that they think that's the thing to do. The media, hollywood they determine how america thinks and feel and if you are a small minded man; then you are going follow. If you noticed a lot of the shows on tv now shows black men with white women married or dating. If they are not married or dating, they are working together. In the commercials, (lately it has been changing, I think it's because of Barack and Michelle) They will show white people and black men doing things together. I use to say, where are the black women? I also noticed in the commercials that when a black women is in a commercial she is alone with her family, no,man, but when they show a white women she has a family and a man. I know a lady from my grandson school. She tells me about her daughter who is in college. The girl is smart, well mannered, she's going to be a doctor. And none of the black boys in college talk her or even noticed her. They all walk around with these little white girl. That's why I say, we have represent, not only smart, but carry ourselves well, with poise and confidence. I think if we don't teach our young black grils these things, they will not be able to compete with these little white girls.