Sacred Pampering Principles: Chapter 1

[Iyabo]

The SBW Syndrome

This chapter discusses the SBW (Strong Black Woman) Syndrome which is a haunting remnant of the powerful Mammie and Aunt Jemima images deeply anchored in our minds from slavery. Mammie was the "nurturer", the "omnipotent caregiver", the "everlasting arm". She could give, give, give and do, do, do without seeming to need a break, breather, or a vacation! The SBW Syndrome shows when we become control freaks and micromanagers of everything and everyone. We have a hard time delegating and trusting that things will get done right or done at all. It further talks of how this syndrome has been passed down to us from our mothers, who got it from their mothers, and keeps getting passed from generation to generation. The circumstances of our mothers and grandmothers often necessitated it, but ours does not have to. The chapter then moves on to talk about our pursuit of happiness through Mr. Right, a pay raise, peace of mind, the almighty dollar. How we have become obessed with the pursuit. We strive to make more money so we can have the new car or the bigger house, then have to work harder to be able to afford to keep these things. This cycle is insane!

So What is Pampering?
The book talks about how time and time again when Black women are asked how they defined pampering the responses would be "getting my nails done or getting my hair done". This is considered to be grooming. Black women do a lot of grooming. Grooming has nothing to do with inner joy, it is an "outside" job that improves our packaging. Pampering is an "inside" job that refuels and recharges the mind, body, and spirit. Pampering's focus is to bring back to the inner self and that leads to transforming of the outer self. The three criteria that must be simultaneously achieved is:

1. The experience is one in which you are the primary beneficiary.
2. The experience brings you joy and increases your inner peace.
3. The experience nurtures your body, mind, and spirit.

A pampering experience brings you joy, not makes you happy. Something that makes you happy causes you to become pleased. Something that brings you joy bring you to a place within yourself. It comes from an inside source.
Indicators of Pampering Neglect:
unfocused, unfufilled, easily angered, frequently upset, disorganized, frequently overwhelmed, frequently angered or pissed off, very judgmental, constantly restless, constantly rushing, chronic blamer, frequently late, bad complexion, loss of passion, overweight, constantly defensive, very reactive, chronic procrastinator, jealous of other women that you perceive as "having it all", lack of depth and intimacy in friendships and relationships, a poor listener, prone to gossiping, have patterns of self-sabotage, constant complainer, always on the go, minor bodily aches and pains, life has become mundane and routine
I have 20 of these indicators (bold), which indicates me as pampering is totally absent from your life. Your health is almost likely being threatened.